girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
