Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
