I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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