I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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