ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
