Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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