Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i will never coherently bang her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
