She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
