All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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