Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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