that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
