She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
