Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
