I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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