i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
