The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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