The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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