she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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