drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
