I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
