how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
