May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
