Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
