Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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