90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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