it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
