He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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