Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
