cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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