The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
