Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
