if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
