I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize