highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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