were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
