The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
