Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
