This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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