I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
