The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
