I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
