This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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