My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
