Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
