fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
