fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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