Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
