I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
