Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there is puke in my bra ... again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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