I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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