Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
