i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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