Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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