Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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