so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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