I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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