I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
