So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
