i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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