just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
