I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
