Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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