so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
